July 16th, 2017
luscious_purple: Star Wars Against Hate (Star Wars Against Hate)
posted by [personal profile] luscious_purple at 01:04pm on 16/07/2017 under ,
... of the Apollo 11 launch!

More later, maybe.
July 12th, 2017
owlectomy: A squashed panda sewing a squashed panda (Default)
posted by [personal profile] owlectomy at 08:12pm on 12/07/2017
When you feel anxious about doing a thing, it lies to you. It says "You can put this off until you don't feel so anxious about it." But if you put it off, the day doesn't come when you don't feel so anxious about it. If anything, repeating this over and over - the anxiety, and the "I don't have to do this right NOW" - creates more anxiety. It conditions you to feel anxious when you think about doing the thing.

But if you say to yourself, "No matter how awful I feel about this, I have to do the thing," that also doesn't work.

It does, a little bit. It does for things that are over pretty quickly once you get over the initial hurdle of anxiety. For me, at least, it doesn't work for creative work or work that requires a substantial level of focus, because trying to force yourself to write for an hour or two while your heart is actually pounding with anxiety is genuinely bad. I can make it work for a little while, but before long, it starts to fall apart. I start to feel as if I'm not allowed to take care of my anxious self.

There is only one way out of this.

First of all, I need to take enough days off that I get back that sense that my time is my own, that I have freedom and breathing room and I am allowed to do what I want.

But more importantly, I need to get in touch with what I love in this book. Every single day, I need to get back in touch with it. Because love actually is stronger than fear. And even if I don't feel less afraid, I feel more sure that what I'm doing is worth doing. I feel more sure that the part of me that wants to finish this book is a better and truer part of me than the part of me that doesn't.

And I won't say that it's easy, but it gives me enough light to see by.

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