Presents

[wood_elf]

Hello community. Hope all of you had a nice Christmas and New Year.

I was thinking while putting away Christmas gifts (sort-of-resolution: don't let the house get this cluttered ever again) that gift-giving is a very problematic custom. My parents asked me what I wanted. I said 'nothing' because there was really no specific item that I needed at that time, and if there was, I would want to choose it myself. Parents, as they do, said I was going to have something for Christmas, what did I want? I suggested cold hard cash in lieu of presents, so they would be able to give me a gift as they wanted to and I would have money to save/spend when I had some idea of what I wanted. They agreed to this.

As it happened, I got presents and a small amount of cash. While I'm grateful for my parents' generosity, that they took the time to shop and search for me-specific gifts, I now have clutter, items that I'm unlikely to use but would feel bad to put on Ebay. Awkward.

On the other side of it, my parents are working professionals and anything I can afford to give them is probably not something they need or want - what to give to people who have everything? Nothing stresses me out as much as Christmas gift shopping. I'd like to propose a state of adults not exchanging gifts in the family, but I can't think of a way to phrase it without sounding like I'm trying to wiggle out of my daughterly duties, or that I'm secretly in dire financial straits and can't afford to give them even a small gift.

Hand-made gifts would be a possible idea but I'm a bit butterfingered/non-artistic/disorganised and don't think of these til the last minute. Perhaps this will be the year where I start sewing/drawing/pickling in October and manage to appear thoughtful without skinting myself buying unnecessary goods.

Would be interested to see what other Enoughists have to say about gift-giving customs.

Comments

[kyrielle]

If your parents might follow through on it, one of the things I have found works really well is asking for family history - typed up files (files are easy to store!) with stories of the family - your childhood, your parents' childhood, any stories they may remember of other relatives who are dear to you, etc. Family photos are a nice one if they feel the need to give something physical. Another of my friends plays the "I really need (X practical thing, ie new washer) - the one I want is at Sears, so a gift card there would help me get this and be great" - because then they feel like they are getting her something, but they know there's a specific one she wants to they don't just dump a random one on her. (This only works with some parents, obviously....)

I also have found with my "must give actual gifts" in-laws that a wish-list listing what I want, down to the exact brand item, works fairly well. It feels less spontaneous but at least I can use what I get. :)

[foxfirefey]

Family history stuff sounds really cool!

[wood_elf]

My fiancé does the 'very specific wish list' thing with his family. Worked very well this year, he got an Amazon parcel on Christmas Eve full of stuff he wanted, everyone happy.

If gift cards and the like were large, square and wrappable, think there'd be much more of them being gifted.